The Great Penis Debate

In its history, E s s e n c e magazine, the publication devoted exclusively to women of color, has for 40 years deviated from its regular format and published a men's issue showcasing the joy and adversity of today’s Black male.

Among the issues, one of the most memorable is the November 1996 edition featuring a sedate Michael Jordan on the cover. Inside was a series of thought-provoking essays on everything from love to fashion tips. As I recall, the highlight of the issue was a hilarious article titled "The Penis Thing" by author McLean Greaves. Founder of Virtual Melanin, an African-American media development company, Greaves is credited for creating the innovative Café Los Negroes website. The off-beat commentary took a look at a controversy that has made brothers the envy of other males, who’re convinced that Black men have huge sexual organs. Really?

Okay let’s get down to business, of all the myths surrounding Black men, the one that remains the most persistent, alleges that when a woman climbs between the sheets with a Black man, she is more likely to bite off more than she can chew. In layman’s terms, America still believes that brothers have more meat than Oscar Meyer. Wow? I wonder who’s doing the measuring. Just food for thought.

In the article Greaves discussed in-depth the drawbacks of having a "Big Whopper." Moreover, the New York native reflected on the absurdity of the Great Penis Debate. After reading the article, the first thought that came to mind was, How ironic that in 1996 penal size in relation to men of African heritage is still a topic of conversation?

Fast forward 14 years later and the myth is just as alive as it was in 2006, 1996, 1986 and 1976,  okay, you get the picture. Granted, most men don’t fall prey to the "monstrous meat" myth syndrome, but they don’t dispute the myth either, even if their genitalia is equivalent to the size of a thumb. But that’s a topic for another issue.

Over the years in my travels Down America’s Mean Streets, I’ve discovered that there are three types of men who equate power with having a large penis.

The first is the young Boom Dog. They stand on the corner; their baggy pants dipped low to reveal their rear end; a 40 ounce Red Bull in hand. When a woman walks by, he quickly launches into his "Baby I’ve got the drill to thrill" tirade. Grabbing his tripod he remarks "Me and junior are going to do some damage tonight." In the eyes of this youthful gigolo, the penis is still near and dear. What a pity!

The second crank is the Rock em Sock em Player. His claim to fame is that he has thousands of women who only want him for one thing, his pulsating horn of plenty. Outside of that, he’s not good for anything else. But he doesn’t care. Why should he? After all, in his world the penis is still near and dear. Wake up and smell the coffee Casanova, or whatever your name is.

The third screwball is Mr. Big, Dense and Broke. He doesn’t have a job, doesn’t want a job and can’t spell job. His claim to fame is that he can ride in the saddle for hours without being overcome by fatigue. Like his cohorts, the penis is undisputedly near and dear. Giddddy Up You Wannabee Vixen Cowboy Giddddy Up!

Despite the misplaced arrogance of the "studs" above, it’s no secret that having a Whopper down stairs and nothing upstairs (your brain) won’t get you anywhere fast. As Greaves pointed out, "The most important sex organ is located between the ears," not the legs as some men believe.

With that said, to all the brothers with the monster meat, listen up. Enjoy your joy stick; whip it, slap it, rub it like there’s no tomorrow. Sadly, there will come a time when it will no longer be your most prized possession. Instead, it will fail you by refusing to rise on command, rendering it virtually useless.

Such analysis brings to mind the following joke. A well endowed man with his fly unzipped was in the middle of a conversation with a woman, whom he was hoping to get a date with. Hanging onto his every word, the woman suddenly looked down at the man’s fly. Second later, as she looked up, their eyes met. Convinced the woman was admiring the size of his submachine gun, the man said "Baby, did you see that big Cadillac sitting in the garage, standing at attention and looking all good?" To which the woman replied, "Hell no. I saw a rusty Volkswagen sitting on two flat tires leaking water. "

After years of speculation and thousands of medical documents, it’s time to move beyond genital length. And although this is one myth that Black men like to cling to, this is hardly a comfort as we struggle to survive in a post 9/11 society that places more emphasis on intellectual prowess, than penis size. Hence, stroke on Long Dong Silver, wherever you are.